


Growing Pains

by chivisale



Category: Winner (Band)
Genre: Angst, Bullying, First Love, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-15
Updated: 2017-11-05
Packaged: 2019-01-17 13:33:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,368
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12366831
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chivisale/pseuds/chivisale
Summary: After so much suffering and turmoil, Jinwoo’s life is finally perfect, he has the perfect job, the perfect group of friends, the perfect fiancé. But his newfound bliss is interrupted when his past comes back into the picture and all those painful, traumatic and miserable memories start to torture him again."When he turned out to be just like them, it was game over for him, there wasn’t any good left in the world, no light but only darkness, nothing left worth fighting for…"





	1. The First

The night is cold and he shivers a little, his hands are trembling while he enters the password to get inside of his apartment, it's late and it will be dark inside and he knows he must face that darkness he is so afraid of until he is able to find the light switch. The door opens and when he is finally able to turn the light on he can’t believe what he sees. The living room’s floor is completely cover with sunflowers, his favorite flower because it reminds him of light and happiness, he can hear a melody of violins in the background and in front of him his boyfriend is kneeling holding the most beautiful ring he has ever seen, a stunning platinum band ring with a round diamond in the center.

“Kim Jinwoo, you are the most amazing human being I ever met, you’re more beautiful than the flowers that covers the fields and more shinning than diamonds and you will make me the happiest man on earth if you say yes. Kim Jinwoo, would you marry me?”

 

“Yes, yes, yes… I thousand times yes.” He jumps excited and kisses his boyfriend’s lips. “I love you Jiyong-ah and I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”

 

***********************************************************

It’s the beginning of a new day and his same boring routine starts all over again, the same cup of black coffee, the same streets to his office, the same people in the elevator greeting only out of politeness. But is not quite the same, because today feels different than yesterday and different than any other day, today he’s utterly happy and complete, today he wears a ring around his finger that is the proof that he is loved by someone else, by the man of his dreams, the love of his life.

 

He doesn’t want to attract unnecessary attention over to him, but the ring is too flashy and in a few minutes, everybody is around his desk, admiring his ring and wishing him the best on his future wedding. Jiyong is a man of action and he doesn’t want to lose any more time, they will hold the wedding in two months, and since his family owns one of the most famous hotels in Seoul, there is no problem in getting the venue.

 

“That’s a big rock man, he really most adore you.” Says his best friend Seung Hoon checking the ring from every angle. “And you say that he bought you like a thousand sunflowers? Is fucking cheesy, but I give him credits for the effort.”

 

“I swear to you I didn’t see it coming” Jinwoo happily says. “I can’t believe I’m getting married to the man of my dreams, do you know he was the most famous and popular sunbae in our school?"

 

“Was Jiyong your first love?” asks Seunghoon elbowing and winking his eyes at Jinwoo, but he just stays quiet with a blank look on his face until Seunghoon tries to call his attention by calling out his name. “Jinwoo hyung, Jinwoo hyung, are you still there!?” and then he snaps out of it. “What did you ask?” and Seunghoon sighs because he has to repeat his question again “If Jiyong was your first love?”, after a long pause Jinwoo finally answers “Of course, my first and last love.”

 

At 10 AM his boss asks him to meet him at his office and he gets excited, things are really getting brighter for him, he heard that they won an important project to build a new restaurant for a famous Chef in Jeju Island and something tells him that he will be in charge of the project.

 

When he opens the door to the big office, he looks at Yang Hyunsuk seriously staring at his laptop and there is someone else sitting in front of him at the other side of the desk, then Hyunsuk looks up to see him, “Ah… Jinwoo-ah, we’ve been waiting for you, come sit in here” he says and signals to the chair next to the other person Jinwoo doesn’t know, or maybe he does but he still doesn’t look at his face.

 

“I supposed you already heard about the project we acquired to build a restaurant in Jeju, Chef Kim Sooro owns several different other restaurants in Seoul and now he is expanding his empire to the Island, they are looking to have a minimalist concept, with zen and ecological new age stuffs that I don’t understand. Anyway, I think you will be perfect to design it.”

 

“I will gladly accept the offer sir, I wanted to work on that project since I heard about it.” He says excited. “Oh, Jinwoo-ah, I want you to work hand in hand with our new interior designer.” He says and Jinwoo finally looks at his side to that person’s face and he freezes, that person is also looking at him with a smile on his face, with that beautiful smile that was the reason behind his dreams and nightmares a long time ago. “His name is Song Minho, he is new to the company and I want you to show him around and introduce him to others and company rules and whatever you guys do with new people.” Jinwoo couldn’t believe what was happening, he can’t be around that person, that person brings back all of the darkness he fought so much to get rid of, “Shouldn’t Human Resources do that? I’m not train for that.” He hisses and immediately regrets it, he can’t talk like that to his boss. “There’s no time, you two should start working on that immediately, we are working against the clock.” Jinwoo thinks there’s no way he can work with him, his past was something he struggled so much to forget, “But then you should have assigned a different interior designer for the job, we can’t risk such an important project like that.” He insists hoping that his boss would not remove him from the project if he pushes too much. “No, I’m convinced that Mino is the right one for the project, no one else but him, but I might be able to choose a different architect to design the restaurant.” Jinwoo decides that is not worth it, to lose this project that he was hoping so much to get because of someone like him, so he accepts and signals Mino to follow him.

 

“You look great with that hair color, it really suits you.” Mino says to him but Jinwoo only ignores him. “Don’t tell me you don’t remember me?” Mino stops him and looks at him directly in the eyes. “Why, should I? I’m sorry, but I’m not really good at remembering people’s faces, especially those who weren’t even my friends.” Jinwoo says and continues walking to his office with Mino behind him. “Ouch, that was hard”, he says and puts his hand on his chest, “but I guess I deserved it.”

 

Without saying a word Jinwoo starts working on the project as soon as they arrive to the office, but he can’t concentrate because Mino is staring at his finger until he finally asks him what was probably eating him alive, “are you getting married?” his eyes are unreadable for Jinwoo, he thinks that it might be curiosity but something tells him that there’s also a hint of sadness in them. “It’s not of your business, but yes, I’m getting married, so can you please stop staring at my ring and let me work?” Mino sighs and then points at the picture of Jiyong that he has on his desk, “To him, you’re getting married to Jiyong sunbae?” Jinwoo is tired, he shouldn’t be sharing so much personal information with someone he considers an enemy, but he just wants them to star working seriously on the project. “Yes, he is my fiancé, now can we start working?” Mino stops with the questions and they start brainstorming for the project.

 

They decide to call it a day when it’s already past 10 pm. Despite all, Jinwoo feels satisfied because they made a lot of progress, even if he hates him, he has to admit that Mino is talented and very good at his job. He is walking to the parking lot with Mino very close behind, which makes him feel really uncomfortable and then Mino stops him grabbing him by the arm. “Would you like to have a drink with me, so we can catch up and stuff?” Jinwoo forcefully gets loose of his grab, “Let me be clear with you Song Mino, we’re not friends and we’ve never been friends, so let’s keep this professional and limit our conversations to work related topics only, or you will force me to resign to this project.” Mino just stays quiet and lets him go to his car and again Jinwoo thinks he sees that hint of sadness in his eyes.

 

***************************************************************

 

_They were right behind him, he could hear them, murmuring and laughing at his back, his body was shacking and anticipating the pain, the humiliation and despair. He was with them again, a few weeks ago he became part of their group, he has never joined them in hitting him, on the contrary, he is usually the one who tells them to stop when is enough, so Jinwoo felt a pinch of relief when he heard his voice._

 

_They always do it that way, they follow him after school and corner him in an alley, because what happens outside the school grounds is not the authorities’ problem, they are not responsible of what their students do outside of their jurisdiction. At moments like those, Jinwoo wished he had friends that could be with him to give him company and maybe even stand up for him like in the movies, but he didn’t have any friends, he was invisible, not wanted, rejected and look down to because someone once knew his secret and told everyone, that he is gay and because of that he was a pariah that didn’t deserve to be love, that didn’t deserve to breathe the same air as the rest, he didn’t even deserve to live._

 

_He was trapped again, at the end of the alley being hit over and over again, filthy words thrown at him, wishing for his death, his body started to feel numb and with the corner of his eye he looked at him, perfect and handsome as always, he was watching over to make sure nobody could come and checking Jinwoo from time to time, Jinwoo knew that at any moment he was going to call out to them and stop their attacks, he had the hope in his heart._

 

_“Guys, it’s enough, we have to go now before someone comes!!” He called out and Jinwoo knew that the nightmare was about to be over, at least for the day. “What’s wrong with you Mino!?” Jaeha complained, “you’re always stopping us whenever things get good, are you also a fucking faggot? Is that why you always defend this fucking sissy boy?” he hissed and spat Jinwoo’s face._

 

_“I’m not a fucking faggot you piece of shit!!” Mino yelled at him. “Then why are you always stopping the party eh?” he asked and pushed Mino. “I’m just fucking bored and tired of this shit”, he pushed him back. “Then prove it, why don’t you finish this once and for all so we can fucking go.” Mino’s eyes were on fire, he was gridding his teeth and when Jinwoo thought he was going to attack Jaeha, instead he felt Mino’s fist on his face that threw him to the ground and then he felt kicks on his chest and stomach until he let go a piercing scream when he felt a puncture on his chest, he could hardly breathe, he was going in and out of consciousness, he saw the darkness and then the light and the darkness all over again, he felt Mino carrying him in his arms and then he opened his eyes when he was thrown to the school’s field and felt another excruciating pain. “What are you doing, you should have leave him in the alley?” he heard someone asking Mino, “I want everyone to see his pitiful state”, Mino's hateful words were the last thing he heard._

 

_When he woke up, he was in a hospital bed and he had no idea how much time had pass by and he didn’t want to know either. His father and mother were asking him over and over again how he felt, what had happened, who did it, but he didn’t feel any desire to talk, his body was aching so much that even breathing was a painful thing to do, but what hurt the most was his heart. When Mino turned out to be just like them, it was game over for him, there wasn’t any good left in the world, no light but only darkness, nothing left worth fighting for, so he decided that it was time for him, time to end his life._

 


	2. The Only

_Jinwoo once heard that when you’re dying, your whole life plays in front of your eyes, but at that moment, while his wrists were bleeding the life out of him, all he could think about was the first time they met._

 

_On a beautiful spring morning, while he was walking under the cherry blossoms, feeling terror instead of excitement. It was his first day of high school, meeting new people was always a challenge for him due to his quiet and reserved personality, he didn’t share the same hobbies with most kids his age, he was extremely shy and on top of all, that dark secret he couldn’t let anyone know._

 

_To make matters even worse, he was already lost. His family always teased him about his lack of sense of direction, that was specially triggered at times like this, when he was so nervous he could hear his heart pounding inside of his chest, he was already feeling like tears were about to come out of his eyes when he heard his voice for the first time, “Hey kid! If you're going to Apgujeong High School, it’s this way” he told him signaling to the opposite direction he was walking to, and at that moment his heart already belonged to him, with one quick glance at him he felt captivated by his black eyes that were lovely and kind, his smile that was so bright and perfect, the light radiating from him more shining than the sun and the stars._

 

_“Okay, thank you.” Jinwoo said with his eyes down, while curiosity was written on the other kid’s eyes, they both stood there without moving or saying a word, probably waiting for the other to make the first move, after a long minute Mino finally said, “We can walk together, if you like.” He started walking and Jinwoo then followed after him, “My name is Song Minho, by the way.” Jinwoo didn’t respond to that and just continued walking right behind him with his head still down, “What’s your name?”. Jinwoo chewed on his lower lip and then gulped hard, he wasn’t used to someone interested in getting to know him, “Kim Jinwoo.” After that Mino slowed down his steps hoping they could be walking side by side instead, “That’s a pretty name just like you. Someone like you shouldn’t be hiding his face like that you know, you should be proudly showing it to the world.” After hearing those words, Jinwoo’s heart skipped a beat, he was sure at that moment his face was pink with blush and his smile wide with happiness, could this feeling be the thing people call love? he wondered to himself._

 

_It didn’t take long for Jinwoo to realized that Mino was living in a different world than him. While Jinwoo was somewhat invisible for the rest, Mino was one of the most popular guys in their year, he came from a wealthy family with military tradition, he was a talented athlete and star of the basketball team, outgoing and friendly, a smart top student, but he was also very kind. Kind enough to actually greet Jinwoo every morning even when Jinwoo was, most of the times, too scared and nervous to greet him back, kind enough to smile at him whenever their eyes met, kind enough to have walked home with him a couple of times when he wasn’t too busy with his club activities, kind enough to become Jinwoo’s first unrequited and impossible love._

 

_But Jinwoo knew too well that things could never go right for too long in his life. Jaeha couldn’t care less about the teacher’s lecture, he was always joking around and teasing the weaker kids during class and he had the bad habit of taking Jinwoo notes from time to time to copy from him, it had been days since Jaeha stole his notes, so Jinwoo became careless, until that damn day when he once again asked him to borrow his notes. Jinwoo knew he couldn’t say no to him, it was social suicide, but he also knew he couldn’t show him his notebook, no when it showed all about his crush for Mino, with little drawings of hearts with Mino’s name inside and little verses he would write at the end of the page inspired by him. No, if Jaeha saw that, that was also going to put an end to his life, “Sorry, I can’t, I need to study this today.” He didn’t know from where he got the guts to say no to him, but he did and Jaeha only glared at him, so he thought that he was going to live._

 

_The rain was pouring while he walked to school the next day, Jinwoo had to take an umbrella with him and still it couldn’t cover him enough, his hair and clothes were damp and all of the students were staring at him as he walked into the school gates, it couldn’t be because he was a little wet, he wasn’t the only one that was soaked by the rain._

 

_They were murmuring over something, then he started listening to them, to the insults and name calling, “he’s gross”, “perverted”, “abomination”, “fag”. Jinwoo thought he was having a nightmare, but when he was pushed over and slammed up against the walls and he felt the pain he knew it wasn’t a dream but the depressing reality._

 

_He couldn’t understand how was that even possible, how could they know, was he so obvious about it? His endless questions finally had an answer when he entered the classroom and he saw Jaeha with a mocking smirk on his face and the notebook in his hand._

 

_“The queen of the fairies has finally arrived!!” Exclaimed Jaeha in a loud voice in front of everybody and Jinwoo’s heart sank when he saw Mino also staring at him with a shocked expression on his face. Then the whole classroom was attacking him with paper balls damp with spit, calling out names at him and his desk was all filled with profanities and insults. “Be careful Mino, the kid is set on rubbing off his gayness to you!”, but Mino just stood there frozen not moving a finger, probably because he felt disgusted to be the object of a boy’s affection. Jinwoo had hope that at least he would stand up for him or try to comfort him, but it was only a far fetched hope, after that day Mino never talked to him again._

 

_**********************************************************_

 

_The vertical cuts on his wrist were pouring blood at a slower pace he would have wanted to, giving him enough time to think and reminisce, the ache and burning he felt was nothing compared to the pain of knowing his first and only love hated him enough to hurt him in the way he did._

 

_Once he realized Jinwoo’s feelings for him he started to ignore him like the rest, no more greetings in the morning, no more smiles, no more casually running into each other in the way home._

 

_Every day Jinwoo had to face their hateful stares, the malicious murmuring, the hateful names, the constant physical abuse. Not a single friend to stand up for him, always alone and rejected, he felt like dirt, corrupted and filthy._

 

_While his consciousness was leaving him little by little, he wondered over and over again, why he had to be born like this, why he had to be different? Someone that didn’t deserve to be love, someone that didn’t deserve to live. What was the purpose to live anyway, if he couldn't be happy, if he didn’t have someone to call a friend, if he couldn’t be love by the one he care about the most. Then finally, after what felt like an eternity of pain and unwelcome memories, everything went black._

 

_*_

_*_

_*_

_*_

 

_Sadly for Jinwoo, little by little he opened his eyes to the light again, so bright that it hurt his eyes, so shining that it reminded him of the owner of his heart. He didn’t know how many hours or days had passed by, but as he felt the pain in his wrist and the aching and sour taste in his throat, he knew he was still alive. Frustration and agony took over him while he wondered why things never go his way, why couldn't he even finish his own damn life?_

 

******************************************************

 

Once again he wakes up sweating and panting, ever since Mino came back into his life the nightmares of his dark past have been taunting him, so he hasn’t have a single night of full rest since that dreadful day.

 

He takes a shower and washes away the drops of sweat and unwanted memories that reminds him that there was a time when he wasn’t happy, a time when he didn’t feel like a worthy human being and when he didn’t feel loved.

 

The day of work starts and he sighs as he walks to the conference room where he knows he has to see Mino again. Since they needed to finish the project at full speed they have been working very closely together and even though Mino became a tolerable person for him, he knows that the nightmares won’t go away until he stops seeing him completely, so he decided that once the project is over he will resign and start working for his fiance’s company until he finds a new job, even when he hates the idea of working for him, he has no other choice.

 

But deep down he knows he is lying to himself, to say that Mino has become just a bearable person is the understatement of the century.

 

Every day Mino comes to his office first thing in the morning to say hi and brings him his favorite latte, he never forgets to compliment him on his new hairdo or outfit, sometimes when they are in the middle of working in their project he just stares at Jinwoo for a long time and tells him how easy is to get lost in his eyes. Mino is dangerous, Jinwoo is well aware of that, so he just keeps the distance as much as he can and tries to overlook the fact that Mino is still the kind person he once knew and love, because no matter how easy it is to fall in love with him all over again, he knows very well he will never forgive and forget what Mino did to him.

 

As Jinwoo enters the room Mino immediately has eyes only for him ignoring everyone around him, it always melts Jinwoo’s heart how he looks at him like he is the only person in the world, but once again he tries to brush it off and think only about work. They start working on new ideas right away, yesterday when they presented the model to Kim Sooro he had nothing but feedback for them, so they need to polish Jinwoo’s model and Mino’s portfolio as much as possible because the Chef invited the two of them to have dinner with him at his main restaurant tonight.

 

Is 7 PM and they need to head towards the restaurant to their appointment with Chef Kim Sooro. Mino is waiting in his car so they can go out at the same time but Jinwoo looks frustrated tossing his hair over and over again and walking in circles around his car, after a while Mino just gets out of his car and goes to Jinwoo to ask him what is wrong, “I left my keys inside” he tells hims after a long sigh, “Should we call someone?” Mino asks him, “No, we will be late if we do that, just give me a ride”, Mino smiles from ear to ear, Jinwoo can tell that every little thing that gets them closer together takes him to the moon and beyond.

 

Mino being the gentleman that he is opens the door for Jinwoo and when he is inside of the car he hovers over him to help him buckle his seatbelt making Jinwoo tremble and his heart run fast nervously, his hands are cold and wet with sweat and he’s afraid he could hear his heartbeat, Mino makes things more difficult for him when he puts on some music and shamelessly tells him it’s their song, “I don’t need anyone else, it’s only you for me. When you ask again, it’s only you for me. Even if you already love someone else. I can’t forget you, I can’t turn back around” Mino is singing along to the lyrics and Jinwoo tries to turn the volume off but Mino stops him and grabs his hand tightly without taking his eyes off the road while Jinwoo stares at him and fight his grab with no luck. “I’ll only look at you. Even when I’m born again, it’s still only you for me. (Tic toc tic toc) Even as time goes by… I don’t need any words, it’s just you for me. It’s too late, but for me it’s just you for me. I know our love is wrong. I can’t give up, I can’t let you go… Why don’t you know, why don’t you know? For me, it’s you, it’s you…”

 

“What’s wrong with you!?” Jinwoo yells at him finally able to pull himself out of his hold, “You still don’t get it? I…” but Jinwoo cuts Mino off immediately before he can finish what he is about to say, “Stop, shut up, shut up, shut up!! Don’t try to mess with my life, it’s finally perfect and I don’t need you to ruin it!!” Right at that moment they arrive at their destination and Jinwoo opens the door and gets out of the car before Mino can even stop the engine completely.

 

The Chef made a reservation for them in the private VIP section of the restaurant, Jinwoo is already inside as Mino enters the room, his eyes and nose are red and he looks tired, Jinwoo feels a pinch of guilt inside of his chest but then he remembers everything Mino did to him in the past and realizes he doesn’t deserve it. They wait for the Chef in silence, Jinwoo scrolling down on his phone’s feed and Mino just staring at him with sad eyes when Sooro finally joins them.

 

They start discussing the things about the concept that he wants, Kim Sooro tells them that everything they come up with already is perfect if it were one of his Seoul's restaurants but he really can’t find the Jeju feel on it and he’s really concern about the VIP section, he had plan the VIP section of his Jeju restaurant to be the best and most romantic out of all of his restaurants, he dreams about couples going for a romantic vacation at Jeju and popping the question in his VIP room.

 

“Tell me Jinwoo, how was it when Mino proposed to you?” The chef asks him staring at his ring and Jinwoo chokes on his drink while Mino just giggles at his assumption. “No, we’re not together!” he yells flustered and both of them are blushing from head to toe. “Really? Whoa~ I could cut the sexual tension you two have with a knife.” Jinwoo just frowns at that and Mino sadly explains, “Unfortunately, this beautiful creature is getting married to someone else.” The Chef now just stares at them with pity in his eyes, “You two should really work this out, especially before you get married, you don’t want to make a mistake you will regret for the rest of your life.” Jinwoo is just froze and speechless, what could the Chef have seen in them to make him think that. “You tell me”, Mino sighs.

 

The waiter comes with their dinner and Chef leaves to let them eat peacefully, “I’m sorry” Mino says out of the blue as they eat their korean-french fusion style Dae-ji Gal-bi, “For what?” Jinwoo asks since he thinks there are so many apologies he is been waiting to hear from Mino all of these years, “I’m the interior designer, so create the atmosphere is my responsibility, so I know these is mostly my fault.” Jinwoo chews on his food pensive, he honestly doesn’t think is all Mino’s fault, “I’m the project Director, so of course I’m the one responsible for all of these so don’t blame yourself. Besides we are going to Jeju on Monday, so I’m sure we can get that Jeju feel he is been looking for before our deadline.”

 

The Chef has giving them until next Friday to present their final proposal, so Jinwoo decides they will take the whole team for a two night and three days stay at Jeju so they can finish, they went to Jeju before to take a look at the land but it was just for a few hours and they came back on the same day since they have been working against the clock, but now Jinwoo thinks that it actually might have affect them negatively in the end, not getting soaked with Jeju’s atmosphere, now he will make sure they take a retirement at the Island and he will even seize his whole team’s phones if necessary so they can focus a 100% in the project, finish on time and deliver the results needed.

 

When they finish their meal the Chef comes to bid goodbye and as they leave he whispers something to Mino’s ears at what Jinwoo only hears the latter's answer, “I will” and then they walk together out of the restaurant. “Give me your address, I will take you home.” Jinwoo feels terrified just by thinking of repeating their previous ride together, “No need, I already texted my boyfriend, he will come to pick me up.” Mino is now staring at him and struggling to say something, making Jinwoo feel really uncomfortable, “You can leave now, he told me in his last text that he’s less than five minutes away.” “Is okay, I will wait with you, I don’t want to leave you alone” Mino tells him and now stands closer to him, “It’s Friday night, don’t you have anything better to do?” Jinwoo asks him a little bit annoyed now, “I’m right next to the person I dream to be with, there’s nothing better for me to do than this.”

 

Then he sees Jiyong finally walking towards them saving him from this very awkard moment, when he comes close to Jinwoo they greet each other with a kiss that Jinwoo deepens more than necessary and Mino is throwing daggers at them with his eyes, if looks could kill Jiyong would be death by now. “Oh, Song, I didn’t know Jinwoo and you work together” Jiyong tells him surprise and politely extends his hand at him to greet him, “Jiyong sunbae, is been a long time”, Mino answers reluctantly shaking his hand, “Years actually, I’m sorry I can’t stay any longer catching up with you, but I need to take this angel home so he can rest.” after an awkward goodbye they walk away towards the valet parking holding hands, Jinwoo takes a final look back and he can see Mino still standing there with anger and sorrow in his eyes and again that damn pinch of guilt surges on Jinwoo’s heart.

 

“That kid still hates my guts” Jiyong tells him all of a sudden getting him out of his trance, “Why would he hate you? You’re perfect!” Jiyong chuckles and then takes a deep sigh, it is something he kept hidden for so many years that he doesn't know if he should tell him now, “Back then, when you transferred to a different school, he somehow found out that I was still in touch with you. He asked me for you phone or address every freaking day for a whole year until I finally graduated and I always refused to do it, I just couldn’t, I didn’t know if he wanted to hurt you or something.” Jinwoo squeezes his hands to comfort him as he sees some guilt in his eyes, “You did good, he did hurt me and you were just protecting me. Thank you my love.” and Jinwoo kisses his lips to reassure him, but deep down inside he wonders what could have happened if Mino would have found him back then, would he have said sorry to him, would they have start all over and had a second chance when the time was still right?

 

*************************************************

 

The weather is just perfect, warm, cozy and oh so nice. They arrived to Jeju this morning and Jinwoo feels so grateful because Mino is acting like his usual self, like nothing weird ever happened last Friday, no almost love confessions or silent threats to his boyfriend, Mino is just acting like the goofy and kind co-worker he has learn to tolerate - and even if he hates to admit it, he has learn to like again - the past few days.

 

In a blink of an eye is already their second day at Jeju, tomorrow morning they’ll be flying back to Seoul and back to their real world and Jinwoo feels kind of sad since this dream like stay has been so perfect and wonderful. The awkwardness between him and Mino is completely gone now and they spend all of their time together even when is not work related, laughing and talking about everything while eating, playing in the pool, sightseeing the most romantic places of Jeju together with the excuse of finding inspiration for their project. It’s so awesome how Mino makes him smile, he makes him laugh, he makes him happy and dream about a different life, It feels like a fantasy to him, like what life would have been if Mino wasn’t a big part of his dark past and he scolds himself because he’s not supposed to feel this way, is completely wrong, first because he still hasn’t forgiven him for what he did and he might never be able to and second because he has the most absolutely amazing boyfriend waiting for him in Seoul, back in the real world.

 

Mino invites him to have drinks alone at his room tonight and he accepts without hesitation, he’s playing with fire, he knows it very well, but he’s willing the play Icaro’s role just one more night so he can prolong this feeling inside, the palpitations, the giddiness, the butterflies on his stomach and the overall happiness whenever he is next to him. Tomorrow he will wake up from this dream, tomorrow he will face reality and be responsible once again.

 

“Hello beautiful” Mino says while he opens the door for him and in an unexpected move he grabs his chin and pecks him on the lips, “What are you doing? Don’t play tricks like that unless you want me to go back to my room!” Jinwoo pushes him immediately, but in the back of his mind he wishes him to do it again and taste those sweet and soft lips over and over again until their lips are worn out and swollen.

 

Mino just says sorry, even though Jinwoo knows he’s not sorry and they start gulping down the two bottles of whisky that Mino prepared for this sensual night. Mino is finally wearing pants that are not loose and shows the manly shape of his legs and a sleeveless v-neck t-shirt that shows glimpses of his sexy tattoos, Jinwoo’s eyes travels up and down his body and he takes special attention to his shoulder tattoos that read BE KIND and BE NICE, he wonders about it’s meaning and if it is a reminder of the type of person he wishes to be every time he looks in the mirror.

 

Jinwoo is hysterically laughing at all of his jokes, Mino always thought he is the only one that finds them all funny and he feels so pleased and proud to make him laugh. Jinwoo looks ethereal and dangerous tonight, like an angel and a devil all in one, he wears a white long sleeve dress shirt that is kind of see through and lets him appreciate his perfect, pink and alluring nipples and black shorts that shows his beautiful and milky tights, he has always thought that those are the most perfect legs he’s ever seen on any human being.

 

In the middle of their drinks Mino is getting non stop text messages making Jinwoo very annoyed, so he takes a glance at Mino’s phone and sees Chef Sooro’s name on it. “You gotten really close with Chef, you’ve been texting a lot this couple of days”, Mino looks surprised since it got him off guard that Jinwoo already knew who he was texting with, “Yes, he became a really good hyung to me this past few days, he’s been giving me words of advice.” The annoyance in Jinwoo’s insides doesn’t go and he knows that it might actually be a pinch of jealousy what he feels, “Well I hope that friendship helps us with this project, and I was wondering, what did he whispered to you the last time before we left?”

 

Mino just stares at him in silence thinking if this is the right moment, after a long pause he finally gets the courage, “He told me to apologize to you, that we will never have a fresh start unless you forgive me completely.” Jinwoo is out of words and he realizes that the moment he's been waiting for so long is about to happened. “I’m sorry Kim Jinwoo, I was young and stupid, I was a coward, but I never mean to hurt you, I wanted to protect you.” Jinwoo now feels anger all over inside, this is not the reaction he was expecting to have, “Are you kidding me, you wanted to protect me? You almost kill me you mother fucker!!” he yells at him and throws punches all over his rock hard chest. “I punch you to shut them off, but I only threw that one punch, I didn’t kick you, it was that Jaeha son of bitch and I took you to the field so people could see you, if I’ve left you in the alley you would have been death before anyone could find you. But I’m not excusing myself, yes I was a mother fucker, I should have stop them from the very beginning, I should have never let them touch even a strand of your beautiful hair.” Jinwoo is now sobbing uncontrollably and Mino embraces him and caresses his hair to comfort him, “I’m sorry my love, I was wrong, I was wrong…” he whispers to him and kisses his forehead. “Why did you abandon me, why did you ignore me? You were the sun and the stars for me!” Jinwoo nags him still trying to thrown fist at his back that he is embracing. “I was stupid and coward, afraid of what others would say of me, afraid of my family, but if I could turn back time I will leave everything else behind and live only for you.” After a few minutes the crying subsides and they start sharing drinks again and trying to get that happy mood they had before, this is the last night of their fantasy so Jinwoo tries to push back those dark memories and enjoy while they still can, he thinks that maybe and just maybe he will be able to forgive him now.

 

They make a toast for their project, for their team, for this wonderful trip and when they are running out of reasons to toast for, Jinwoo unconsciously blurts out “for my wedding” and regrets it immediately. The mood is gone now, replaced by Mino’s sorrow and anger and he tightens his fist breaking the cup with his hand, Jinwoo is scared and nervous, he’s sweating cold afraid of what he could do to him, he has never see him like this before.

 

Mino grabs his hands tight and it hurts him and also hurts him to see drops of blood in Mino’s hands, “Don’t get married, I love you!!” Mino begs him, but he can’t leave any room to his heart for hesitation, he needs to stop this before is too late, “Bullshit, you are a sick bastard. You only want what you can’t have!!” He lies to Mino and to himself, he knows Mino’s feelings are real, but he can’t fall into the temptation of accepting his feelings even if he has to use all of his strength and willpower to do so. “And who says I can’t have you?” Mino threatens and captures his lips in a hungry and passionate kiss.

 

Jinwoo pushes him trying to break the kiss but it’s impossible, Mino is hugging his thin body with all his might, he closes his lips tight not letting him have access inside but he bites his lips and Jinwoo moans finally granted him the desired access, their tongues tangle inside in a meaningless fight of lust and love. The two of them are broken, like the glass that is scattered all over the floor, he can’t stop his attacks anymore, he just can’t, he wants this, he wants this as much as Mino or maybe even more.

 

Mino pushes him until he falls on the bed, he’s on top of him and his fingers are trailing down his neck towards the buttons of his shirt, he press their lips together again as he unbuttons his shirt slowly, then he removes it and starts caressing Jinwoo’s milky white chest making him moan in pleasure, his full attention is now on his right nipple and he sucks on it making lewd sounds that send Jinwoo over the edge, he teases, licks and bites and then gives his attention the left nipple that was already feeling kind of jealous, Jinwoo is shivering on the bed, moaning Mino’s name over and over again.

 

He then unbuttons his shorts and slides it down his legs tossing it over the floor and repeats the same process with his underwear, Jinwoo now completely naked under his eyes feels completely ashamed and vulnerable and immediately covers his member with his hands. “Don’t please.” Mino tells him adoringly removing his hands, “You’re beautiful, I need to drink the sight of you and capture it in my mind forever.” He kisses his lips again slowly with less hunger and more tenderness, his kisses trailing down to his jab, then going down his neck and chest, then his stomach until he reaches his most sensitive part, leaning over he flicks his tongue over Jinwoo’s tip making him spazz with pleasure and he smirks satisfied by the physical approval of his actions, then he twist his tongue around his head and he takes it completely into his mouth bobbing his head up and down and Jinwoo is digging his nails to the covers like his life depends on it finally reaching his climax and finds release in Mino’s mouth and the latter swallows the bitter liquid with a satisfied smile.

  


Slowly getting out of his trance, Jinwoo notices him staring at the scars on his arms, he usually tries to hide them by wearing long sleeves shirts all of the time, Mino took a glimpse at the wounds when they were playing in the pool and felt like crying right at that moment but he restrained himself because Jinwoo was smiling and laughing so happy and he didn’t want to ruin that moment. Mino places butterflies kisses along the scar on his left arm and starts crying and Jinwoo feels like the tears are watching away all the pain and dark memories they evoke, “I love you”, Mino whispers to his ear and kisses his lips again, “I want you inside of me” Jinwoo begs him, he can't say no to that, no when Jinwoo was giving himself so willingly to him making one of his dreams come true.

 

He press his soft and sweet lips again and Jinwoo opens up willingly for him this time around, both of them eager for the kiss, their tongues twisting together. Then slowly he pushes the first finger inside, “You’re so tight”, he whispers without breaking the kiss and Jinwoo is moaning and digging his fingers on his back, the he pushes the second finger and Jinwoo’s moans are getting louder and he starts to rock his hips giving Mino the green light he was waiting for. After a few minutes of foreplay he pulls his fingers out of his entrance and he gives a few strokes to his rock hard member and press his member against his hole, Jinwoo wraps his arms around his neck and moans into his mouth. Mino pushes further and in with one final push he is completely inside of him and Jinwoo cries in pain and pleasure. “Please move” Jinwoo begs him and Mino happily obliges, “You feel so good, you’re so tight” Mino moans getting closer to his orgasm, “You’re so big”, Jinwoo whispers getting closer to his edge, “God, I’m going to come”, Mino yells “me too”, Jinwoo says and he is squeezing him so tightly that Mino can’t think straight, Jinwoo then releases all over his chest and Mino empties his seeds inside of him.

 

They fall asleep naked under the covers, Jinwoo’s head resting on Mino’s chest and they forget for a moment that tomorrow they have to go back to reality.

 

************************************************************

 

Jinwoo wakes up the next day looking for the warmness of his chest but he can’t find him and he feels lonely, disappointed and used. His depressing thoughts are interrupted and replaced by guilt and regret when he hears his phone and sees his fiance’s name on the caller ID. “Where are you angel? I looked for you in your room because I wanted to surprise you and I couldn't find you, I'm at the lobby now.” Jinwoo feels and immense pain in his heart, how could he have done this to him? To the person that loves him the most. “I woke up early and went out for a jog, but I’m on my way back to the hotel, let’s meet in ten minutes at the restaurant.” After getting dress Jinwoo rushes to his room and changes his clothes, he wishes to shower and wash away Mino’s smell and kisses, the guilt and regret, but he doesn’t have time so he just washes his face and brushes his teeth. As he climbs to the elevator and the door closes Mino walks out of the other elevator next to it with Jinwoo’s breakfast in his hands, he wanted to served him breakfast in bed, but they missed each other by a few seconds.

 

*********************************************************

 

_After a couple of minutes of getting back to the sad reality of being alive, he managed to focus his sight and he saw two figures whispering to each other, they haven’t realized he is awake yet. He could recognized his mother but he still felt to dizzy and weak to tell who the other person was, “I think it will be a good idea to transfer him to a different school, the students somehow found out about what happened and I think things could get even worse for him.” If that person knew about that, Jinwoo thought that it should be someone from his school, but he couldn’t recognize his voice. His mother was nodding and listening to him with so much attention he didn’t notice Jinwoo’s eyes were already open, she looked devastated, with messy hair, her eyes red and with big bags under them, for the first time Jinwoo felt regret for what he did._

 

_A couple of days later, the boy came back to visit him, the boy was Jiyong sunbae. Jinwoo couldn’t recognized his voice before because they’ve never talk to each other at school, his mother told him that it was him who had found him in the school’s field the day Mino and the bullies beat him up, and it was him who called the ambulance. When he heard about Jinwoo’s suicide attempt he immediately called Jinwoo’s mother to know where he was and visited him and he convinced Jinwoo’s parent to transferred him to a different school. But he didn’t want to lose contact with Jinwoo so he asked him for his number and they became friends since then, after years of friendship Jiyong finally confessed to him two years ago, and they became inseparable lovers since then._

 

******************************************************

 

Mino is desperate looking for him in his room, then he knocks and knocks at his door but he gets no answer and he is not answering his phone either, so he text him “Where are you? Please don’t run away from this, don’t let go, what we have is real!” Jinwoo is already on the way to the airport with his boyfriend, he placed his phone on silence but he can see the notifications on his phone’s screen so he finally answers him, “I’m sorry Mino, I choose Jiyong.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song that Mino was sang to Jinwoo in the car is Super Junior's "It's You" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QPLp35CtWYc


End file.
